I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
