The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
