how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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