i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
