apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
