I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
