i wish there were pregnant emoticons
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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