think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
