Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
