I like my sex mixed with concussions.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
