he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
