Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Maybe he injected his testicle?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
