I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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