I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize