no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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