I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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