currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
