Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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