Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
