U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
