Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm too high and old for this...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
