it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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