Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
