Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
