Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Randomize
