Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
4 words: hood of his car
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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