I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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