If that was your dad, he is hot
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
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I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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