He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
