His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize