Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
