Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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