I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
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