Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
