Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
