Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
