That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just high enough for therapy.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
