What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
