ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
love makes seman taste better
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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