Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
