Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
