Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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