Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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