I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
