im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
