saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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