It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Randomize
