She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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