we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
