her facebook's as public as her vagina
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
