At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
