It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
