i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
