i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
