I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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