i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
this must be what syphilis tastes like
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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