Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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