I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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