I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
