Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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