she is the kim kardashian of front butts
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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