"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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