3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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