ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
