In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
