how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
