Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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