so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
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