I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
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I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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