I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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