Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Come see our sink grown plant.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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