I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
