Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
